The Gift

I think of her often. The woman who gave birth to my child. I wonder sometimes what I would say to her if I ever had the chance to meet her face-to-face. How can I put into words how her loss has forever changed my life. "Thank you" seems very hollow and meaningless. But yet, what else could I say but Thank You….thank you from the bottom of my heart. This child…this amazing gift that she couldn’t keep has forever changed me, changed us, changed our family. Of course, I would tell her how very intelligent and dramatic and perfect her child…our child… has become. I would want her to hear the sound of her laughter and her southern drawl and to see all the funny expressions on her face. I would want her to touch the dimples on her cheeks. I would want her to know this child…this amazingly perfect child….and to be so proud of who she is. I would want to tell her from the depths of my soul what a precious gift she has given to me and how I can never ever repay her or say thank you enough. I would want her to know all this and so much more…..

I think of how she must have felt on that cold January day three years ago. How her heart must have ached to put her tiny bundle into a box of children’s blankets and leave her by the roadside. I wonder if she disappeared into the crowd and watched to make sure she was found. I wonder if she saw the man who found her and if her heart broke when she saw him leave with her. I wonder if she thinks about her…the tiny baby with the cherub cheeks and rosebud lips. I know the pain of losing a child and I also know the pain of letting one go, even when you know it is the best thing you can do for them. And even though the child I lost never experienced life outside of my body and the child I had to let go is a grown man ready to face the world, a mother’s heart still aches for the children that are not with her. I wonder if her heart aches today for the child she will never know……I pray that God would send her comfort and that somehow she would feel peace that the baby she had to let go is safe and sound and loved beyond measure. I pray that somehow she knows what her sacrifice has meant to a family…to a mother… far far away. I pray that across the miles, she can hear my heart and know how very grateful I will always be to her. The woman who gave birth to my child.